Four steps to support your changes

“What is exact change?”
– Mr. Spock to Admiral Kirk
Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home

By Michael Anne Conley, LMFT

In The Voyage Home, Spock’s question is an inside joke, foretelling of a 23rd Century future in which people don’t use cash to get around town. When we use our Clipper cards today, only 25 years after the movie was released, we recognize that some things don’t take centuries to change.

On personal level, though, Spock asks the ultimate question posed by everyone who seeks self-improvement:  What is the exact change I can create for my life?

The New Year is such a natural time to make some new choices. After all, you made it through the holidays, hopefully better than you thought you would. You survived the guests or being a guest, shopping lines, the return lines and all the food.

If you’re thinking of joining a lot of other people who want to lose weight, quit smoking or exercise regularly (the top three annual resolutions), you sure don’t want to set yourself up for failure. Yet various studies, including one in 2007 by British psychologist Richard Wiseman, indicate that most people who make New Year’s resolutions have left them behind by June, if not before.

However, all is not lost. If you’re ready to make some adjustments in how you engage in your life and relationships, here are four suggestions to increase your chances of satisfaction:

1. Keep it simple.

One reason people fail is trying to do too much. Give yourself a chance by making only one commitment.

Science writer Jonah Lehrer, author of How We Decide, has explored the science of the brain, and discovered that Spock isn’t the only one who doesn’t understand exact change. The part of your brain that’s in charge of willpower has so much on its mind that resolutions are chump change, so they tend to get bumped off the bus. Choosing too many goals or goals that are too big decreases your chance of getting where you want to go. Keep faith in yourself by keeping it simple.

2. Discover a workable path for accountability.

According to Dr. Wiseman’s research, you’ll get closer to success by following one path if you’re a woman and another if you’re a man. If you’re a guy, you’ll tend to do better by dividing your goal into units and measuring them over time. If you’re a woman, you’re more likely to meet your goal when you announce your intentions and ask your friends for encouragement. This year, try out ways of being accountable until you find what works for you.  Now that could be a resolution in itself!

3. Take small steps.

The Dalai Lama said, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.” Neuroscientists continue to clarify the relationship between your body and its brain. For example, research shows that physical activity and exercise is effective in making us feel better. Taking small, concrete action toward your goal today will energize you and give you hope for taking another small step tomorrow.

4. Reward yourself along the way

In your personal journey, behavior change is a process of finding a middle place between pressuring yourself too much — or not enough. From time to time, you’ll step forward, and some days you’ll retreat. This back and forth is a part of natural rhythm, like a wave on a beach. As one wave pulses onto the beach, the last one is underneath, returning to the sea. So rather than waiting for a big reward when you’ve reached your ultimate goal this year, be sure to give yourself small rewards along the way for any sign of progress, however small it may be.

In this way, no change is ever exact. It doesn’t have to be to count.

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Michael Anne Conley is a health educator, marriage and family therapist and the director of Stillpoint Integrative Health Center at 953 Mountain View Drive in Lafayette. She has offered holistic approaches to habit change and addiction issues for 27 years.

Originally published in Lafayette Today (January, 2012)