One great way to stop depression

By Michael Anne Conley, LMFT

Positive psychologist Martin Seligman and his team of researchers a few years ago discovered an important antidote to feeling down in the dumps.

In a study he describes as exploring practical components for relieving depression, Seligman aligns with some wisdom from the Dalai Lama.

In The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama writes that ultimately, the path to happiness is simple: When you do something and it makes you happy, do it more. Then he says, when you do something and it makes you unhappy, do it less.

Since Seligman’s study offered a key to doing something that leads to feeling more content, I wondered why wouldn’t everyone do it, whether you’re feeling depressed or not? So I experimented myself and now I recommend it to clients.

The researchers created six exercises, one that was not linked to measuring happiness and five that were. Study participants were randomly assigned to do one of these exercises for one week. The researchers then tracked symptoms of depression and life satisfaction over a period of six months.

Of the six exercises, one of them is something you can do with nothing more than paper and pen or even your mobile device. The results, as Seligman reports and I’ve experienced myself, are very beneficial:

At the end of each day before going to sleep, write down three things that went well during the day and why.

It might be as small as, “It was great to finish that project today, because I’d been working on it for so long,” or “My teen smiled instead of frowning when I took her to her friend’s house.”

The positive psychologists found that people in this assignment group didn’t just reduce their depression. They were more likely to experience higher satisfaction in their life as well — and they were very likely to continue the exercise on their own beyond the initial week. Unlike other techniques for reducing depression, then, this simple exercise is self-maintaining. You don’t need anyone else to remind you, because the benefits of doing the exercise are themselves a motivator for doing it again. This practice has become known as the Three Blessings Exercise.

There is the other side of this, according to the Dalai Lama: If you do something and it makes you feel unhappy, stop doing it. Easier said than done, huh? Yet if grumbling about your in-laws leads you to feeling more disgruntled, what would it be like to stop lending your voice to this expression? If you realize that saying “yes” to every request that comes from the homeowners association, PTA or your church community, leaves you feeling resentful, why not find out the results of saying “no” the next time around?

Does this sound familiar:  You commiserate with someone else about the bad things that have been going on in your lives and it just stirs each of you into more negativity instead of relieving your suffering? This type of talk is called “co-rumination,” and was first identified about 10 years ago in research on adolescent girls, where mutually dwelling on problems actually increased depression and anxiety. From my experience as a therapist I know that adults can fall into this trap too.

Of course this doesn’t mean that problem solving with a friend is bad, or that pretending to be perky to the exclusion of everything else is good. It’s just an encouragement to balance what you talk about, so that you don’t focus your sharing time on how awful life or other people are to the extent that you feel worse more often than not.

If nothing else, celebrate the good. Join me in writing down those three good things each night this week before you put your head on the pillow. It could work wonders!

~ ~ ~

Michael Anne Conley is a health educator, marriage and family therapist and the director of Stillpoint Integrative Health Center at 953 Mountain View Drive in Lafayette. She has offered holistic approaches to habit change and addiction issues for 27 years.

Originally published in Lafayette Today