For the holidays, go for satisfaction

How do you engage with the holidays of this season? Do you claim enthusiasm as your birthright? Do you hold an attitude of take ‘em or leave ‘em, finding pleasure here, but shrugging there? Is your heart filled when a holiday has a spiritual or religious connection, but left wanting around the secular?

Many people enter the months between Halloween and New Years with mixed feelings. This can have as much to do with expectations of how we think we’re supposed to feel than anything else — so we can push ourselves into performance and forget acceptance.

For instance, do you find this time filled with pressures and stress, especially when it comes to maintaining traditions? If this is true, how do you manage if your internal rhythm right now just doesn’t match the expectations that you or your family members have? What do you do if your needs at this time don’t fit with your typical way of navigating the holidays? Do others have difficulty if you experiment? Can you let yourself shift how much you extend yourself toward others? Is it okay to change how you’ve always done things? Can you talk honestly with your family and friends about what each of you wants and needs this year?

For many people, holiday expectations are linked to complications of another sort. For example, the last months of a year usually involve more socializing, often accompanied by increased drinking and overeating. Do you find yourself preparing to deal with people where alcohol created difficulties in the past? Can you make sure you have a “Plan B,” so that self-care comes first? Or perhaps you’ve made dietary changes this year. In what ways can you take care of your needs and navigate well meaning but intrusive questions?

Then there are holidays when grief holds sway. Perhaps this is your first holiday without a loved one who died during the past year. What are your plans to take care of yourself? If you experienced the death of a loved one in the past at holiday time, the same need for self-care could be helpful. In situations of separation or divorce, there is also grief that goes hand-in-hand with letting go of activities that once were shared together, and now must be re-negotiated. If, for any reason, this holiday time includes sadness for you, can you give yourself permission to grant your own wishes, rather than performing to meet the expectations of others? If being reflective is more true to your needs at this time, being content with this can bring you satisfaction.

In addition, during difficult economic times, we are also invited to adapt our expectations to new conditions. If your holidays involve gift giving as part of your family’s ritual, can you discuss new ways to give? This could mean giving each other qualitative time, sharing stories and meals, which can support connection rather than creating more financial pressure from overspending.

It seems that so many of us expect that we should be happy during the holidays, and it is truly wonderful when we are. If you are greeting these fall months with a sense of fun and enjoyment, this is a gift. You also give yourself a valuable gift when you accept the wave of whatever state that you’re in, when you hold yourself softly, especially if life has taken some turns. Whether the exuberance of the season is speaking to you or not, when you know that you’re managing yourself as best as you can with the resources you have right now, you are giving yourself — and those you encounter — a most valuable and satisfying gift.

How do you plan to take care of yourself during the holidays this year?

Originally published in Lafayette Today