3 keys to starting your habit change goals
Whitney Houston, women & alcohol
February 20, 2012Cocaine, women & stress
March 5, 2012Creating an environment that supports change is important in changing habits that are creating problems for yourself and others. In this show host Michael Anne Conley shares three tips that set the tone for reaching your habit change goals. This episode includes experiential exercises.
Michael Anne Conley
As a habit change expert, my approach to transforming habits is the result of 30 years experience serving clients who are dealing with all kinds of habits that create problems for themselves and others. (That includes the habit of worrying about someone else's habits!)
As a holistic therapist, I've developed a step-by-step process that can help you stop feeling energetically drained, wondering what you're doing wrong or what's wrong with you, and start creating healthy habits that serve you in moving your life where you want to go.
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Here is an excerpt from an article which talks about research into self-discipline: The value of early mastery of self-discipline was cited in a recent column by David Brooks in The New York Times, about Dr Walter Mischel’s celebrated marshmallow research at Stanford University between 1968 and 1974.
Mischel put a series of four-year-olds alone in a room and put a marshmallow in front of each child, saying they could either have it then or wait until he came back and have two marshmallows later. One-third of the children grabbed the treat as soon as the researcher left the room. The others fidgeted, covered their eyes with their hands, sang to themselves as they struggled not to eat the marshmallow as they waited as long as 15 minutes.In follow-up studies, Mischel found the children who had been able to delay gratification were more successful academically, were more popular and had higher emotional intelligence, while the impatient ones were more likely to become bullies and have drug problems by age 32.
The point Brooks makes is that self-discipline is a better indicator of future success than IQ and it can be learned. But to learn self-discipline, children need to have stable secure environments, to be able to trust that the future will be predictable, good behaviour will be rewarded and adults will keep their word. I don’t know how old you are. Obviously if you are/were in an unstable parent/child relationship then you can begin to know why you struggle so.
I certainly don’t have all the answers, but I suggest that you try to be your own stability as much as possible. Try to hook yourself in with a stable relationship I don’t mean romantic. Maybe a job with a boss who is reliable, keeps his/her word, has expectations and recognizes you when you meet/exceed those expectations. Or a volunteer situation with someone that you can look up to. The idea is to team up with someone successful. Start with humility (humble yourself.) You don’t have to tell them what you are attempting to do. Use it as an occasion to challenge yourself. Once you begin having successes, you will reap the reward that comes from patience, care, perseverance and diligence; self confidence. True self-confidence is hard won, but it will help in guiding you toward the RIGHT kinds of risks, high yield risks instead of self-destructive ones. This will bring the right kind of relationships your way, both personally and professionally. This is a long process, by the way, but worth it. There are no short cuts to making it personally and professionally.
Daniel Goleman’s book on Emotional Intelligence cites Mischel’s research, I believe. Many factors go into a person’s capacity to navigate their place in the world, and that does include for many people a stable and secure environment. Research into resilience, though relatively new on the psychology scene, takes a look at people who didn’t have that secure environment in childhood, and yet it did not dampen their ability to live successfully. This means that your past does not have to determine your future, which is an essential component of all Habits Into Health programs.