Want to Change? Expect Resistance!

If you want to create some change in yourself or your life, is your committee on the same page?

Whether you know it or not, you have a committee, a board of directors that runs the organization that is you.

Everything really is an inside job. Say, for instance, that you’ve made a commitment to lose 10 pounds, or you’re ready to start jogging again, or you want to quit your job, leave your relationship or stop drinking coffee.

Even though these changes have external aspects – the food, the job and so forth – any changes you make have to happen on the inside to make them work.

And if your insides are unclear, ambivalent, or in outright disagreement, then it’s all the harder to stick to the changes you want to make.

For instance, it’s very common for people to say things like this:

“That really made me angry, but I didn’t say anything,”

“I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help myself.”

“Part of me says yes, and part of me doesn’t want to.”

Most difficulties occur when people are not in agreement within themselves. You, like everyone else, are made up of layers that often conflict with each other.

That’s why you can be angry with someone you love. Or keep smoking when you know it’s bad for your health. It’s why you can chow down on food that is going to increase your weight, and why you can be irritable and stressed at work, and the same day be friendly and cooperative with family or friends.

What I’ve noticed is that many people are more aware of the members of their committee who are judgmental, so I often hear things like:

“What’s wrong with me?”

“When am I ever going to get it right?”

“There I go, doing it again!”

If this is true for you, then you’ve gotten so used to this negative self-talk that you’ve shut down the members of your board of directors who have true and good things to say.

Do you discount these inner voices? Have you stopped listening to those parts of you who say things like:

“I really did a terrific job on that report.”

“I was very thoughtful with Aunt Mary the other day.”

“Wow, I’m a pretty talented singer.”

If you’re like most people, you might not recognize that these voices in you are allies on your committee, and they are cheering for you when you make a decision to change in a way that increases your health, improves your relationships or helps your career. These aspects of you are on a side of your team that will help you lose that weight, stop the drinking, manage your time more effectively, get back on that bicycle, and think well of yourself when you deserve it the most.

But here’s the tricky part.

If you’ve been in the habit of following the advice of the hostile members of your committee, you may think this is who you are! You might not even consider that you’ve just given these aspects of yourself more power on your whole team.

Once the judgmental members of the committee get used to running the show, guess what! They resist giving up their power.

And this is one reason why it’s harder to create positive change by doing it on your own. If you think that getting support is a sign of weakness, don’t buy into it. That’s just your unfriendly committee trying to stay in power. Your committee includes friendly and helpful voices, and you deserve to follow their guidance.

I know for myself and my clients as well, that getting support helps reduce the power of the old team and strengthens the voices within you that will help you get unstuck and moving forward in your life.

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If you experience frustration from being trapped in behaviors you can’t change, I offer a partnership with you in creating a joyful and addiction-free life. Apply for a free discovery session now!